Never Too Late
by yosakazure
Summary: A one shot of Yugi dealing with his conflicting emotions after being separated from Atem. References to yaoi. YYxY and YMxY


Never Too Late

A/N: This is an RP I did with myself between Yugi and Atem (sort of). In my RP universe, Yugi has kinda sorta seduced Yami Malik when he came back in order to find a way to destroy him for good while at the same time, he was Atem's lover. Atem went along with it if only for the two to find out Malik's weakness. Eventually they did, but only after the three actually became good friends and Yugi and Malik became more than lovers. Times were very confusing for the three but they just tried to enjoy each other's company while they knew Atem's time to leave was coming. Eventually Atem did leave but only after knowing Yugi would be safe and able to hold his own against Malik should the worst happen. Eventually Yugi and Yami Malik married and Yugi has moved out to live on his own. If you're wondering where his income comes from, he won 60% of Industrial Illusions when he won Duelist Kingdom in the anime so I thought it'd be fun to cash in on that a little bit with my storyline. Anyway, this is a little something I put together to help Yugi cope since he's struggling with his feelings and I've been told I should share it with all of you. By the way, Yugi mentions multiple partners and that's because Malik has such a huge sexual appetite that he has his own harem. To make things fair, they have an open marriage. Yugi hardly ever takes advantage of it, so don't worry. XD I think that covers everything. So here we go. =)

It was early evening and the sun was getting ready to set. From his seat on the edge of his trampoline on the roof of his apartment building, Yugi watched as the large orange orb made its descent into the horizon. Malik wasn't home for the night so it was just him and his thoughts to keep him company. Despite being married now and the fact that Jonouchi still visited every few days or so, he couldn't help but feel lonely. It was nights like this that he missed Atem's constant presence. The pharaoh had been gone for a couple of years now, but even so Yugi sometimes imagined that his partner was still around. Whenever he didn't feel like sorting his thoughts in his journal, he'd talk to himself and imagine how Atem would respond which wasn't that hard to do after being together for as long as they had. They knew each other better than they knew themselves.

Whenever he did this, he couldn't help but feel silly...embarrassed, even. His conversations with his imaginary Atem felt a little childish. But then he would tell himself that Atem surely is with him, no matter where he is. What he was doing was simply giving Atem's presence a voice and projecting his memory of the man he once shared his heart and soul with. It made the lonely nights easier and it's almost as if he never left. Right this moment, he could see the former pharaoh vividly, sitting next to him to enjoy the sunset too.

Despite being a figment of Yugi's imagination, Atem was quite talkative when Yugi needed him to be. He too sat on the trampoline with one knee pulled up to rest his chin on while Ra began burning a fiery red as it continued descending into death. "Do you think that perhaps you feel lonely because you only see Jonouchi now out of all your friends?" the baritone voice asked.

"You're right. It's not just you I miss. Honda-kun's in the military, Ryou-kun is in college or something, Otogi-kun is working, and Anzu-chan is in New York. I get to see Jonouchi-kun every now and then when he stops by after work but it's not the same as when all of us would hang out together. I realize separation is just a part of growing up, but that doesn't make it suck any less," Yugi explained as he pouted slightly.

"You should probably get out more. You're an adult and on your own. You should be mingling with more people and have fun before you settle down to have a family. The way you and Malik are going, that doesn't seem to be too far off. It's nights like this that you should go to a club or an arcade. Show off a little bit, make more friends, go to the beach..." the Atem figment suggested.

"I do meet other people!" Yugi contested. "I'm just not very close with them...at least not to the point where I would hang out with them on a daily basis or anything like that. When we run into each other we have fun and stuff but it's nowhere near what I have with the gang."

"I'm sure you miss Anzu the most. She's been your friend since childhood."

"I do..." Yugi admitted. "I sometimes wonder if things could have turned out differently between us. But I don't think it was meant to be. She hasn't really looked at me the same way after you left. These past couple of years my face has matured and even my voice has changed. Because of you I've gained more confidence in myself and she even told me that I'm starting to remind her more of you."

"If you weren't with Malik, do you think there would've been any chance of you two hitting it off?"

"Maybe it would've been okay for a little while. She'd see me as the strong person she's always wanted me to be. But then one day she'll realize that deep down you and I are very different people. My face would remind her of you and she'll remember how I was the one who sent you away. Then she'd feel guilty about dating the both of us and ultimately it would fail. I guess I just didn't grow up fast enough. I missed my chance," he shrugged and then sighed. "I'm happy with Malik. Sometimes I do wonder if I would've been happier with Anzu-chan but there's no point in dwelling on it. I didn't stand a chance, anyway. She was crushing on you before I was even aware you existed."

"It couldn't have been easy for you, seeing the two of us together. It might not have even happened if you hadn't set us up on a date, which you didn't have to do. I know you told her I needed cheering up, but I still don't understand...why a date? Why not a group outing?"

"Because...because I made a mistake and I nearly lost you. I wanted to make it up to you. I just wanted to make you happy and I thought a date with Anzu-chan would do the trick. It all worked out in the end, though. I mean you found the courage to pursue the search for your memories and all that. Clearly that was how things were supposed to be."

"But at what cost? I saw how sad you were whenever she would talk to you only to ask for me instead. You would always smile and say it wasn't a problem but I know it hurt you. It just doesn't seem fair. You've done so much for me and I unintentionally stole your girl."

Yugi laughed, "No, none of it was your fault. If anything I should be the one apologizing. I mean I practically set you two up and everything and on the day she wanted to talk to you most, I turned her away. I hope you can forgive me for the night before our duel. I just didn't want her swaying our decision. If I saw how sad she was, I might've actually thrown the duel so you two could stay together...maybe. I don't know. If she talked to you, you might've refused to go through with it. I just couldn't risk it. I still feel terrible because maybe she wasn't going to try and convince you to stay, maybe she really just wanted to say good-bye and I robbed her of that chance. We'll never know now, but I did what I thought was best. But that's not the worst part...I feel guilty because saying no to her was very easy."

"Well I don't fault you for that. You've must've been sick of having to step aside all the time for her to talk to me, especially since you've admired her for so long. And you shouldn't feel guilty. We both know that it was a duel that only concerned us and her input was not exactly desired before such a monumental moment. I don't think we would have dueled our best if we let our feelings for her get in the way."

By now the sun had set and the sky had a dim glow as the city's lights lit up.

After the sun set, Yugi decided he couldn't stand another night staring at the light-polluted sky without seeing any stars. He needed something much more tonight. Without another word, he hopped down from the trampoline and headed inside his apartment to grab his keys and his wallet. It was time for a drive!

After about half an hour's drive, Yugi had driven well out of the city limits to the more wooded and mountainous areas. This part of the region was mostly inhabited by dojos, shrines, and spas because of the hot springs that bubbled everywhere. It was the perfect place to relax after dark if you could afford the more expensive places. He enjoyed this one place in particular because it was pretty exclusive and therefore not constantly overrun by tourists. Being the king of games, he was of course a valued customer. He parked his car at the bottom of a hill and began the climb up many stone steps that lead up to the small establishment. To anybody else, it looked like somebody's home. But those who did their homework knew that this was one of the most expensive and scenic places to soak in the springs.

After showing his ID at the front desk and paying the fee, he was taken to the back and given a complimentary basket of stuff to clean himself with in the showers before he could go to the springs. He had requested a private bath, so he should be alone tonight. Though by the looks of things, it was pretty quiet tonight anyway. He didn't see many guests at all this evening which suited him just fine. After he was thoroughly cleaned, he dressed in his bathrobe and sandals and headed out to where his private spring was waiting.

Upon arrival, Yugi was quite pleased to see that he got a somewhat medium-sized spring surrounded by trees and smooth stones for walking on. There was a large wooden wall that separated his side from the other which housed the larger part of the hot spring. Since it was really dark outside, wooden lanterns with paper shades were floating on the water, which reflected beautifully on the water's surface despite the clouds of steam. Among the trees, Yugi could also see lots of fireflies and above he could make out the stars. Now THIS was what he needed.

He carefully walked to the water's edge, his sandals clacking on the smooth stones as he made his way over. After slipping them off and removing his robe, he folded everything neatly and put his dry washcloth on his head before stepping into the hot water. He winced at first, but kept going, sinking to his knees first, then his waist, and then finally he dunked the rest of his body with the exception of his head. He sighed happily as he sat on the rocks, feeling almost instantly relaxed as his body began to adjust to the soothing heat of the spring.

When he appeared next, Atem was sitting on one of the large rocks next to the pool Yugi was soaking in. "You have a very expensive bath tub back at your apartment. Why would you waste the time and money to drive out here?"

"Atmosphere!" Yugi explained simply, motioning to their surroundings. "It's one of the few places I haven't taken Malik yet. It's like my own secret getaway."

"For somebody who feels lonely, you have quite a few hiding places," Atem pointed out. "I'm seeing some contradictions here."

"Well with those other places, I wasn't really alone. I had you," Yugi said softly. "I really don't have many places I keep to myself anymore. You remember the abandoned park where the two of us would talk...and stuff? Malik found me there and we shared just as many moments as I had shared with you. What used to be Yugi and Atem's special place became Malik and Yugi's special place. I felt bad for a little while since it was a place I shared with you first, but Malik seemed so happy that I couldn't tell him no. So to me, it was a place for the three of us. But even now I don't visit it much anymore because I know Malik sometimes sends his Hunters to feed the koi fish in the pond. The only other person who took care of that place was the gardener...and you and I both know what happened to him. Now that other people are taking care of it, it sort of feels like the magic is gone. I bought the deed to the land so it's mine and everything but it's just not the same."

"I get it, but the reality is that if you get married, you have to be willing to share everything, even if you shared it with somebody else first. It was a little intrusive at first when Malik said he wanted it to be the spot for the two of you, but then again Malik and I had our own adventure there so I think we're even in that department," he smiled.

"Yeah, too bad sharing everything includes bed partners. Most of the time it's not bad, but I would like to fly solo every now and then. Oh well. It's not like I've slept with anybody else in a while anyway," Yugi hummed to himself as he shifted to get more comfortable, burying his feet in the smooth stones on the bottom.

"Besides, it's all about the moments we share, not WHERE we share the moments. You and I have had many good times just talking in your bedroom or..." he looks over at Yugi and grins, "In the bathtub, for instance."

Yugi blushed. It was true. The two would spend many long hours talking at night when they were sure jii-chan and Yugi's mom were asleep. Sometimes they would even talk when Yugi felt like a late bath. It was actually surprising the first time. The two shared a body so it wasn't like it was a big deal if they saw each other naked. Plus nakedness was something you had to get used to in Yugi's culture with things like public bath houses and locker rooms and stuff. So when Atem randomly appeared and sat on the edge of the tub to talk while Yugi was chillaxing, he tried not to look too flustered. It didn't take too long for bath time chat to become a routine thing. They would talk about their plans for the next day or little things that Atem noticed while Yugi was at school and stuff. Sometimes they would switch out just so Atem can enjoy the bath every now and then which was funny to Yugi. But as the two grew closer and closer to where they felt they were more than just partners, different glances were exchanged between them.

Yugi noticed more than just friendly affection in his partner's eyes as they talked. He never caught Atem checking him out or anything, but what he did see looked like longing. He gaze was still affectionate, but there was no denying the glow of desire in his crimson eyes whenever he and Yugi locked eyes for an extended period of time. It was these instances that made Yugi blush and Atem would chuckle and ask what was the matter as if he honestly had no clue about the stare he was giving the smaller teen. However Yugi was pretty sure he was acting innocent to tease him.

Over the course of time, the two were becoming more physical in how they showed affection for each other. Though they couldn't actually touch, that didn't keep them from holding hands, gently stroking each other's cheeks, gripping each other's shoulders, hugging, or leaning on each other (obviously the one in control of Yugi's body couldn't lean, but you get the idea). They couldn't feel actual physical contact, but what they did feel was warmth from each other as if their souls were the ones touching and it felt so real to them that it didn't matter if one of them looked odd hugging open air or holding a hand that wasn't there.

Finally Yugi looked up from his reminiscing and smiled at Atem, noticing that the figment of his imagination was giving him that gaze of longing that he missed. "I remember. There was definitely no shame between us. I also recall you giving me that same look..."

"So you DID notice. And here I was trying so hard to hide it," he smirked, leaving it ambiguous as to whether he was being sarcastic or not to tease Yugi.

Yugi also smirked and waved Atem over to join him in the bath. A sudden flicker in the corner of his eye caught his attention and he turned to see one of the lanterns had burned out. He then picked it up and held it to his face to look inside the shade. What he found was a tiny spark of flame on the wick that he carefully blew on to encourage it back to life. The little spark glowed brighter for a second but then extinguished, unable to withstand the steamy atmosphere any longer. With a shrug, Yugi walked back to the edge of the pool and set the lantern on the rocks so that it was out of the way.

Atem's leather outfit disappeared, leaving him naked just as he jumped into the bath. Of course there was no splash so he didn't exactly have much of an impact. Once inside, he watched with a soft smile as Yugi tried to bring the lantern back to life by encouraging the little spark. After Yugi set the wooden box aside, he scooted closer to him so that they were both sitting with their backs pressed against the stone wall of their little bath. For a few moments, neither said anything as they watched the lanterns float around, resembling little ghost ships as they drift aimlessly through the fog caused by the steam rising from the water. "Do you remember what I told you before I left?" Atem asked.

"That you weren't the other me anymore and I am me...the only Yugi Mutou in the world?" Yugi answered back.

"Right. The courage you displayed in fighting me gave me the courage to step through that door and walk the path I was meant to take. I was hoping you would have kept that courage even after the duel," Atem sighed and turned to face Yugi, taking his hands in his. "It seems to me you're a little too focused on seeing me again. I never thought I would have to say this, but need I remind you that you still have to live this life you're in before you see me? I think your sights are waaaay too far ahead. It's making me a little nervous. I know you're very worried about your future with Malik as far as how your kids are going to be raised and so on and so forth, but life is a roller coaster of pleasant times and hardships. I understand that you miss me, but I worry that you're only thinking of me because you're focusing too much on the potential hardships in your future. You must remember that there are many good times in store, too. At the moment you've sort of plateaued because you two still need to design your house and I know your dreams are making you worry about the future more and more. While it's true that as gamers we're trained to think 3 steps ahead, or 4 in your case, sometimes you just have to let go and let things happen as they will. If you try to control too many aspects, you will wear yourself out and you'll be depressed like you are now."

Yugi held hands with his figment of Atem, not even sure how the heck he was being lectured by something born from his own thoughts. But if Atem still truly lived on in his heart, it shouldn't be too surprising that even his projected image of Atem would be worried for his well-being and quick to share his wisdom. How he wished that this really was Atem and not just his mind's coping mechanism. Tears started to form in the corners of his eyes and two more lanterns randomly went out nearby. "I can't help but be worried. I need to plan ahead but things are constantly changing and I constantly need to rethink my plans. Can I really just let go? What would happen if I did?"

"Well the world certainly isn't going to end if you let go a little bit. Otherwise you would've dreamed about it, wouldn't you?" Atem chuckled softly and released one of Yugi's hands to cup his left cheek. "It'll be okay. You have tons of things to fall back on if something should happen. You're not only the King of Games, but the King of Comebacks. I have faith in you. You just need to have faith in yourself and have the courage to let things happen as they will."

When the figment put his hand on Yugi's cheek, the poor duelist couldn't hold back the tears. He felt nothing from this touch, which only reiterated how this was not Atem. He missed his partner's warm touch so much and the illusion of Atem he had made for himself could do nothing to stem the flow of Yugi's tears as they slid down his face. He knew the real Atem was out there watching out for him, even if he couldn't make himself known. This knowledge made Yugi feel slightly ashamed as he thought of his real partner watching him talk his problems over with an imaginary version of the former pharaoh. "You must think I'm so pathetic," Yugi sniffled. "I just want to be careful...you were the one I fell back on when things went wrong. You were always there to catch me...you and Jonouchi-kun. Is unity truly still with us, even with the puzzle gone? I want to believe the ties with my friends will always be there but I can feel the separation straining them. You taught me so much before you left so that I'd be prepared for anything but I'm tired...so tired. I'm tired of keeping my guard up...tired of using shadow magic to protect myself when It's something I hate using...and I'm tired of having to constantly win. I miss the days where I could lose a casual game and not risk humiliation. Not even for my own husband...I could never lose. I want to focus on the good things, I really do, but I worry about the bad things threatening the good things that have yet to happen. I haven't given up on living, obviously. I just want to know when I can rest for a little while. When will things be calm enough for me to relax? Why can't my dreams ever show me that?"

"I don't know...but at least you'll never be bored. Fate has chosen you to carry the torch after I've left this world. You wouldn't have been able to beat me if you weren't worthy. Just believe in yourself like I believe in you; like everybody else does. Also it might help you cope if you put some of my stuff into storage. I know you just want to remember me and everything but let me be frank. 3,000 years couldn't wipe me from history. My name might have been forgotten, but certainly not me. So it'll take much more than removing a few personal items to make the world forget who I am," he grinned.

Yugi wiped his tears away using his wash cloth before replacing it back on his head, doing his best to smile again. "I don't know if I'm ready for that yet, but I suppose I can try. It'll be very hard...you and I shared a lot of things. There's hardly anything in there that doesn't remind me of you. Even when I look in the mirror I see a little bit of your face and I can hear your voice telling me that you're still with me. And that should be enough. I shouldn't be so selfish. I really am happy for you. I truly am. I'm just really confused. I know you're alive somewhere, so I still love you as much as I always have. But you're not here...you didn't die (well technically you did) but it wasn't a normal farewell. I mean you just walked out of this world of your own free will. It didn't seem right to mourn you, as it was a victory for you. It didn't seem right to hold a funeral or anything either. In fact, we barely spoke of your leaving at all when it was said and done with. None of us knew what to say. You were on all our minds for a long time but it wasn't until much later that we talked about the good times we had with you. I understand that it's normal that I would feel the worst off since we were more than just partners but I still feel ashamed of how I'm handling this. Jonouchi-kun was taking it hard too, despite the brave face he put on. I mean you were his goal just like you were mine. Heck, you even meant a lot to Kaiba-kun as his rival. I may have beaten you, but Jonouchi-kun would never look at me the way he looked at you. Actually, that's not such a bad thing. But with Kaiba-kun I feel even more distant. He acknowledged I was a great duelist but the fire he had for dueling you isn't shared with me at all. With you gone I feel like I have to fill your shoes and I do feel a little sad that I can't fill the void that you left. I know you'll say it's not my place to fill that void and that I should focus on being myself the best way I can be. But I feel like you were the glue that kept us working together and without you, some of us feel lost."

The last of the lanterns went out one by one, leaving behind one last flame near the two of them which floated in their direction. Atem pulled away from Yugi slightly and let the lantern drift so that it floated between them. "You are not lost, Yugi. You've found your path already and you are following it. There are many forks in your road, but no matter what you choose, you can't go wrong if you just follow your heart. Stay strong and things will fall into place. You shouldn't strive to be like me. You should strive to be the best you that you can be. You're Yugi Mutou, not Atemu. Even if you should fall, the ties that we all share will be there to catch you, even if you can't see them. I may be gone from this world, but you can still reach me the same way you always have. Call me with your heart, and I'll be here."

Yugi smiled as the glow of the lantern between them illuminated their bodies, the reflection of the flame in Atem's eyes making the figment look more alive than ever. Call him with his heart, he said...that is what he used to do. Nothing has really changed. "Something you can see, but can't see..." Yugi whispered.

The figment of Atem nodded and gave a soft smile. Just then the last lantern flickered out and Atem disappeared along with the light it provided.

With the last of the lights gone and Atem too, the only light Yugi could see was from the stars above and the fireflies that surrounded him. Somehow things seemed much brighter without the lanterns and Yugi floated on his back in the soothing spring to take it all in...just letting go.


End file.
